MidLifeCrisis
by Akira1
Summary: Muraki is feeling underappreciated while Tatsumi's feelings for Tsuzuki still haven't died. Can you guess the pairings?


Warnings: If you've actually seen/read Yami no Matsuei, the content of this story isn't too bad. However, it contains mild swearing, nudity, OOCness, and adult situations. In other words, it's rated-R.  
  
Oh, and sorry to all Muraki fans for his OOCness. It's just that I'm going for the nice, sane doctor and not the psycho doctor from hell.  
  
Disclaimer: Well, nothing belongs to me. Even the story line was inspired by steering wheel covers. So the actual content belongs to the steering wheel covers that belong to the store that is in a certain place where my parents go to buy stuff.  
  
A Mid-Life Crisis  
  
Tsuzuki shook his head to clear it, wincing as pain lanced through his brain. With the practice of one who had done so a thousand times before, he stepped over the candles in the entry hall and followed the lit path to the living room.  
  
"I'm home," he called out, flinching as yet another flash of pain went through his head. Bending down to brush off the rose-petal strewn couch, he rubbed his eyes tiredly.  
  
"Welcome home," a soft seductive voice greeted from the bedroom doorway. "I've been . . . waiting."  
  
Not bothering to look up, Tsuzuki sat down on his cleared space. "Could you get me some drugs," he pleaded desperately.  
  
There was a rustling sound of silk, and moments later, long, delicate fingers threaded through his hair.  
  
"Rest assured," the voice breathed into his ear before licking it. "I have everything planned out for this evening." A kiss met his cheek, and then a tongue traced his jaw line. "Even if you have need of . . . drugs." A hand dropped to slide up his thigh, while the other one tilted his head forward. As he gazed into Tsuzuki's eyes, Muraki smiled. "The Viagra is next to the bed."  
  
Tsuzuki snapped back, his headache protesting that action. "No, I mean aspirin-drugs."  
  
"Oh." Muraki frowned silently, before standing to rummage through the desk drawer. "Shall I also retrieve the Viagra?"  
  
"No." Tsuzuki grimaced at the sound of his own voice. "Muraki . . ." He blushed furiously at the thought.  
  
"You are over a hundred," Muraki pointed out, handing over the aspirin bottle. "I would understand if you have trouble getting started."  
  
"Really, I'm just fine." Tsuzuki choked down a pill. "I'm just too tired tonight."  
  
"Tsuzuki-san." The white haired man took back the bottle. "You have been working late for the past week." He shook his head disapprovingly. "You are all stressed out, which is probably a reason for your headache."  
  
Tsuzuki squinted up at his companion. "You sound like Tatsumi," he complained. "Besides, it had to be done." Then he added as an afterthought, "Which Tatsumi also lectures me about."  
  
Muraki frowned, opening his mouth to reply, when a thought flashed through his head. Then his eyes narrowed, and the smile gracing his lips hid nothing. "Well then, Tsuzuki-san," he purred. "Perhaps you would enjoy a sensual massage."  
  
Tsuzuki gave him a suspicious look. "You know, I think sleep would be a better thing for me to do."  
  
Not giving an indication that he heard any of it, Muraki slid onto the couch with the grace of a lap-dancer. He slowly undid the tie to his robe, beckoning Tsuzuki towards him. "Come."  
  
Tsuzuki gave him a look of disbelief before shaking his head. "No thanks. Really. I just want to sleep." With that, he stood and followed the candle- lit path to the bedroom.  
  
With a frown, Muraki pounced after him, knocking the hapless shinigami to the ground. "Do not fear, sleep will come, eventually."  
  
"No!" Tsuzuki cried out as Muraki's hands slid around to the front of his pants and worked at the button. "I said," Tsuzuki snarled, clenching his fist, "NO." As if to emphasize the word, Tsuzuki drove his elbow blindly into Muraki's unprotected side.  
  
This caused a chain reaction. Muraki, finding that one of the few unpleasant sensations Tsuzuki could create included grinding his elbow into the doctor's side, quickly rolled off of the distraught Shinigami.  
  
However, he did not take in account that he had pinned Tsuzuki right next to several of the candles. The purple-eyed man had instinctively used the arm that was farthest away from the source of fire to elbow Muraki. Muraki instinctively rolled away from the offending appendage into the candles.  
  
Thankfully (or, depending on who you are, not), Muraki didn't immediately go up in a blaze of fire. Instead, as his robe trailed across the candles, it caught fire. Because the robe was still open from earlier, Muraki easily shrugged it off.  
  
Tsuzuki tilted his head slightly at the burning garment. "Wow," he commented after Muraki slid out of the robe. "I didn't know silk could burn that well. Are you sure you didn't get ripped off?"  
  
Instead of answering the surprisingly calm man, Muraki hurried off to the kitchen to get the fire-extinguisher.  
  
After the entertainment of the burning robe wore out, Tsuzuki bent over to the nearest candle and blew it out.  
  
"Tsuzuki-san," Muraki began as he put out his robe-fire. "Perhaps tonight is not a good night to have sex."  
  
"That's what I've been saying," Tsuzuki grumbled.  
  
"However," Muraki interjected as he gingerly picked up the remains of his robe. "Tomorrow morning would be workable."  
  
***  
  
Muraki decided that they should get a new phone.  
  
This decision resulted from the fact that although it was five in the morning, the phone was making a possessed ringing sound.  
  
"It's on your side," Tsuzuki moaned, trying to burrow his head under the pillow.  
  
Muraki sighed before picking up the phone. "Hello, who is this?"  
  
"Tsuzuki-san, please."  
  
Muraki considered hanging up the phone and going back to sleep.  
  
"Please wait for a moment," Muraki informed the voice. He reached over to stroke Tsuzuki's upper jaw, which was the only part of his skin visible. "Tsuzuki-san, Tatsumi-san would like to speak with you."  
  
Tsuzuki's hand pushed out from under the covers, blindly groping for the phone. Once he had it, the phone and most of Tsuzuki's hand retreated under the pillow. "Yeah," was his muffled greeting.  
  
Muraki's patient eavesdropping was rewarded when Tsuzuki snapped, "I don't care if it's an emergency, it's going to have to stop until I wake up!"  
  
There were more grunts as Tatsumi presumably tried to reason with a grumpy Tsuzuki. Finally, after about ten minutes of reasoning, Tsuzuki grumbled something about being there in maybe half an hour.  
  
"Are you going in to work early this morning," Muraki asked companionably as he accepted the phone from Tsuzuki.  
  
Tsuzuki gave him a look that asked 'why would you ask such an obvious question?'  
  
"Would you like me to make you some breakfast while you get ready," Muraki offered. "If you ask me very nicely, I'll let you have some apple pie."  
  
Tsuzuki paused in his quest of extracting semi-clean clothes from his pile on the floor. "Nah," he finally grumbled. "Café . . . quicker . . . cheaper . . ." he let the thought end there.  
  
***  
  
Tatsumi, being his normal happy self at five-thirty in the morning, smiled gently at Tsuzuki. "I am pleased to see that you made it."  
  
"Ughn," Tsuzuki replied.  
  
Undeterred against Tsuzuki's morning attitude, Tatsumi walked besides him on the way to his office. "Did you remember to pack a lunch today?"  
  
"Ughn."  
  
"I suspected as much." Tatsumi opened the door to Tsuzuki's dinky office. A box shaped object that was wrapped with heart covered cloth graced the center of his desk. "There were some leftovers from last night that you did not eat," he explained. "So I wrapped them up in a lunch for you."  
  
"Ughn."  
  
"By the way," Tatsumi glanced down the hall quickly before stepping in and closing the door to Tsuzuki's office. "Will we have the same arrangement tonight?"  
  
"Ughn." This time Tsuzuki shrugged as well, showing that he was starting on the road to the higher arts of communication.  
  
Tatsumi smiled mischievously. "Good." He gently brushed a lock of hair away from Tsuzuki's face before leaving.  
  
***  
  
"How the hell did you do this?" One of the carpet cleaners pointed at the charred spot on the once white carpet.  
  
"I refuse to respond to such vulgar words," Muraki informed them serenely.  
  
The two carpet cleaners looked at each other. 'What's with this guy,' one mouthed to the other.  
  
'I don't know,' the other mouthed back. 'But he paid us in advance.'  
  
"We'll have this done in a jiffy," They promised their customer.  
  
Suddenly the doorbell rang. The two carpet cleaners looked at each other again.  
  
"Continue to work," Muraki ordered.  
  
Oriya had already taken the liberty of letting himself in. "Hey, I'd have thought you would still be in the sack," he said, noting how Muraki had promptly answered the door while wearing clothes. It was already starting out to be a disappointing day.  
  
"Tsuzuki-san had to go to work early." Muraki held the door for his friend. "So I decided to call in sick and clean up from our encounter last night."  
  
"Oh." Oriya frowned slightly. "I could go back home . . ."  
  
"The carpet cleaners are working on the mess now," Muraki told his friend. "We may go into the kitchen and talk."  
  
Oriya followed Muraki, frowning suspiciously at the carpet cleaners. The thought of knowing what Muraki was doing warred with the thought of knowing what Muraki was doing with Tsuzuki. "What happened," he finally asked.  
  
"We had a small accident," Muraki replied delicately. "Tsuzuki-san was too tired to get worked up."  
  
"Oh." Oriya tried not to look too pleased. "What a shame."  
  
"I think he is tired from working late for the past few weeks," Muraki mused aloud. "I wonder what he has been working on."  
  
"He's having an affair," Oriya replied blandly.  
  
Muraki frowned at his companion. "No, I do not think you understand. Tsuzuki-san has been working."  
  
"Who's definition of 'working'?"  
  
"Besides," Muraki continued. "Tsuzuki-san is the only attractive man in JuuOhCho. Who would he be having an affair with in the first place? Tatsumi- san? Tsuzuki-san already told me that they broke up when they were partners." Muraki smiled proudly. "He assured me several times that they were not going together behind my back."  
  
Oriya raised an eyebrow. "You asked him?"  
  
Muraki shook his head. "No, he volunteered that information without me even thinking of that possibility." He smiled happily. "It was almost a week ago, the last night we had-"  
  
"That's nice," Oriya interrupted. "But getting back to the point of my visit-"  
  
"Say," Muraki continued, heedless of Oriya's interruption. "What would you do to seduce Tsuzuki-san? All my strategies do not seem to be working."  
  
Oriya gave Muraki a disturbed look. "You used to hold his friends hostage for him to be with you."  
  
Muraki frowned. "It is even more difficult to seduce Tsuzuki-san when he is angry with you."  
  
"Well," Oriya thought out loud. "He likes flowers."  
  
Muraki gestured towards the back of the house. "He already converted part of our lawn into a garden."  
  
"Food?"  
  
Muraki shook his head. "I already have his favorite meals waiting for him every night. He would be angry if that changed."  
  
Oriya rubbed his temples. "Maybe you should leave him for someone else." He gave Muraki a winning smile.  
  
Muraki looked outraged. "I have spent far too long trying to convince him that our marriage was not a mistake. I am not going back on my word."  
  
"Well, maybe this is what happens when you have to get a person drunk just so that he will marry you," Oriya snapped exasperated.  
  
Muraki's face suddenly lit up triumphantly. "Yes, that would work!"  
  
Oriya shifted away from his friend. "Getting him drunk started this mess in the first place," he pointed out worriedly.  
  
"Tsuzuki-san enjoys the company animals. Now that I think of it, we haven't had sexual contact since Neko-chan ran away."  
  
"Eh." Oriya wondered how alcohol coincided with animals. Then he frowned confusedly. "I remember Asato-chan, but not-"  
  
"Oh." Muraki waved his hand dismissively. "Tsuzuki-san didn't like the fact that Neko-chan responded to his name. So he tried to rename her." Muraki smiled sadly. "It got to the point where she would respond to both names."  
  
"How . . . nice," Oriya replied delicately.  
  
"Well, all I have to do now is find out what Tsuzuki-san's favorite animal is." Muraki continued brightly. "And I know who to ask as well."  
  
"Well then," Oriya said with mock cheerfulness. "I'm glad you have your romantic problems solved. Moving on, I'm visiting because you still haven't- "  
  
"Yes, thank you for your visit," Muraki said abruptly. "Please excuse me, but I must take care of a few things."  
  
"You're avoiding this, aren't you?" Oriya asked suspiciously as Muraki herded him towards the door.  
  
"Yes, well, goodbye then." Muraki smiled, closing the door.  
  
***  
  
"Welcome home, Tsuzuki-san," Muraki greeted as Tsuzuki entered the house. "I have a surprise for you." He adjusted his new silk robe that was tied surprisingly modestly.  
  
Tsuzuki frowned suspiciously. "What's going on?"  
  
Muraki held out one hand, gesturing towards the family room with the other. "Come and I shall show you."  
  
Giving the door one last desperately pleading look, Tsuzuki gingerly let Muraki guide him away from his escape route.  
  
When they reached the family room, Tsuzuki stopped dead in his tracks, eyes opening wide. "How . . . Why . . . HOW?" he asked confusedly.  
  
"I asked them which animal was your favorite. However, all are under the impression that you like their particular animal the best. After deciding a phoenix, a dragon, and a white tiger would attract unwanted attention, I decided the animal that the neighbors would consider the most benign would be him." Muraki informed him happily. "Do you like your surprise?"  
  
Tsuzuki responded by running over and hugging his present. "I'm so happy to see you!" he exclaimed as Muraki beamed lustfully from the doorway.  
  
"That makes one of us," Touda replied, enduring Tsuzuki's embrace.  
  
***  
  
"Tsuzuki-san," Muraki said as he stretched out languidly on the bed. "I'm lonely."  
  
"Oh," Tsuzuki said as he brushed Touda's short hair. "Oh, I guess it is time to go to bed. Come on!" he said, pulling Touda towards the bed.  
  
Muraki shifted slightly, his mouth forming a thin line of disapproval. "Did we not agree on not allowing any pets on the bed?"  
  
"I don't need sleep."  
  
"The guest room doesn't have any sheets," Tsuzuki reasoned. "And Touda's too big for the couches. I told you that we should have more than just loveseats."  
  
"And all this time I thought those were just big chairs."  
  
"I suppose this one night he can sleep with us," Muraki conceded painfully. "But tomorrow night-"  
  
"Don't worry," Tsuzuki consoled as he slid under the covers, pulling Touda in after him. "We'll find a place for him."  
  
"This isn't good for my self-esteem."  
  
"Very well, I shall stay home to make sure the guest room can accommodate him." Muraki frowned again at Touda before turning off the bedroom lights.  
  
***  
  
"Tsuzuki-san," Muraki called out, knocking on the bathroom door. "You have been in there for two hours. Do you need medical assistance?"  
  
There was a splashing sound, and the bathroom door opened enough for Tsuzuki to slip out. "No, but I think you're out of bath oil."  
  
Though the damp clothes clung revealingly to Tsuzuki's body, Muraki was able to force his libido down long enough to demand, "Tsuzuki-san, you are soaked to the bone! What are you doing in there?"  
  
Tsuzuki glanced down the empty hall warily, as if expecting some surprise guest of Muraki's to jump out. "Well," he said, leaning forward to whisper into Muraki's ear. "It's a bad time of month for Touda."  
  
Although he was not a veterinarian, Muraki quickly caught on. "He is shedding his skin?"  
  
Tsuzuki nodded tiredly. "Snakes do that. Anyways, you shouldn't come in here. Touda's angry enough to bite me, there's no telling what he'd do to you."  
  
"Oh," Muraki frowned at the bathroom door menacingly. "So we should avoid him, is that not correct?"  
  
"For now, yes." Tsuzuki sighed with relief that Muraki was actually listening to him.  
  
"Very well." Before he could protest, Muraki slipped an arm around Tsuzuki's waist, pulling the wet form near him. "You seem to be cold," he whispered into his companion's ear. "Allow me to warm you up."  
  
Tsuzuki pulled away. "No, Touda needs more lotion. I think there's a jar in the nightstand on your side of the bed."  
  
Muraki frowned disapprovingly at Tsuzuki. "That lubricant is for our personal use."  
  
Hoping that the technique would work as well on Muraki as it did on Tatsumi, Tsuzuki looked at Muraki wistfully, large eyes filling with tears. "B-but," he sniffed pathetically. "Touda needs it. Without it, he'll be up all night, and neither of us will get any sleep."  
  
Muraki's gaze softened, his hands reaching out to cup Tsuzuki's face. "Do not worry," he whispered. Tsuzuki closed his eyes, glad that his ruse was working. "I do not intend for either of us to sleep tonight."  
  
Giving Muraki a disgusted look, Tsuzuki pulled the pale hands away from his jaw. "Well, I don't know about you, but I can't work up the right mood when someone sounds like they are dying in our bathroom." And just for emphasis, "Loudly."  
  
Muraki closed his eyes and sighed. "Very well. Sleep well tonight, for tomorrow I will visit the store and purchase more lubrication."  
  
"Sure, sounds good." Tsuzuki nodded as he turned towards the bathroom door. "You can pick up the groceries too."  
  
***  
  
Tsuzuki stretched under the thick comforter, opening an eye long enough to glance at the side where Muraki normally slept. Seeing that his companion was missing, Tsuzuki smiled with unholy glee. Shifting again, Tsuzuki stretched out onto the middle of the bed, luxuriating in the newfound space.  
  
Much later, he opened his eyes and glanced warily around the empty room. Frowning tiredly, he turned to the clock. Moments later, he stumbled blindly out of the bedroom.  
  
"Good, you are awake." Muraki commented smoothly as Tsuzuki entered the main room. Tsuzuki collapsed on a couch in a manner which suggested that his nervous system had short-circuited.  
  
"We need to have a family discussion." Muraki informed the half-awake shinigami.  
  
Bright purple eyes blinked confusedly in reply. A pink tongue poked out from red lips. Tsuzuki slowly stood. "I should get to work," he mumbled decisively.  
  
"I called Tatsumi-san and informed him that you were too sick to work today." Muraki informed him serenely.  
  
Tsuzuki shrugged and started towards the door.  
  
"Do you realize you are still wearing your night clothes?" Muraki asked. Tsuzuki shrugged again, continuing his journey towards the door.  
  
Muraki sighed patiently. "I believe you have been spending too much time at your job. We require family time that Tatsumi-san does not seem to be allowing us."  
  
"Well, at least I go to my job." Tsuzuki snapped back tiredly. "When was the last time you even showed up at the hospital?"  
  
"Tsuzuki-san, this discussion is not about me, it is about us." Muraki looked at him intently. "We need to spend more time together."  
  
"This is just about your sex life," Tsuzuki grumbled while unlocking the front door.  
  
Touda scowled at the two men. "Do I have to listen to this?"  
  
Sighing, Muraki stood and walked towards Tsuzuki. "That is a part of this discussion," he said, kneeling before his companion. "But I truly miss you." He grasped Tsuzuki's hand and kissed the fingers. "I wish to spend more time with you."  
  
Any reply Tsuzuki might have made was cut off by someone pounding frantically on the front door. Muraki glanced back at it, wondering aloud, "Who could it be?"  
  
"Oriya?" Tsuzuki asked, moving back.  
  
Muraki shook his head as he stood. "Oriya does not believe in knocking."  
  
Despite the fact that whoever was on the other side of the door sounded as if they were planning on breaking it down, Muraki did not hesitate before opening the door.  
  
His visible eye went wide, his mouth opening long enough for a ragged gasp before the ends of his mouth curved in glee.  
  
"Neko-chan!" He reached out and tugged the animal out of Tatsumi's arms. "Daddy missed you," he informed the fluffy kitty as he carried her into the house. "Now Tsuzuki-san's and my sex life will be back to normal!"  
  
Tatsumi gave Muraki a perturbed look, awkwardly entering the house. "Tsuzuki-san," he called out to the purple-eyed man. "Are you alright? I was concerned when Muraki called in saying that you were sick." He deftly removed his shoes and hurried over to Tsuzuki. "Was it the chocolates I fed you last night?"  
  
"No, just overslept." A worry line formed on Tsuzuki's brow. "Muraki," he said, turning to the happy psychotic. "What exactly did you say when you called me in sick?"  
  
Muraki shrugged indifferently. "I said that you had the Ebola virus," he replied. "In case we needed an extra few days to catch up on our missed nights."  
  
Tatsumi sighed, threading his fingers through Tsuzuki's hair. "I was afraid that the lubricant I owned up was bad," he admitted.  
  
Muraki gave Tatsumi an intent look. "You have a lubricant?" he asked curiously.  
  
Tatsumi narrowed his eyes, wrapping his arms protectively around Tsuzuki's narrow shoulders. "Yes."  
  
"Which store do you shop at?" Muraki enquired. "The 'After Dark' one?"  
  
Tatsumi shifted suspiciously. "No, just the normal grocery store." He rested his cheek on Tsuzuki's hair as he said that. Tsuzuki, who was still waking up, sighed and leaned against Tatsumi for support.  
  
Muraki absentmindedly walked towards the two men, settling Neko-chan on the ground. "As do I. Do you use the variety pack as well?"  
  
"Why, yes, I do," Tatsumi admitted, releasing Tsuzuki as he reappraised his rival.  
  
"Um," Tsuzuki awkwardly began as Muraki wrapped an arm around his waist. "As nice as this conversation where neither of you are killing each other is-"  
  
"Yes, Tsuzuki-san?" Muraki asked as he played with the hem of Tsuzuki's pajama top.  
  
"Well, shouldn't we get back to our family discussion?" Tsuzuki panicked as Tatsumi idly scratched Neko-chan behind the ears.  
  
"I suppose," Muraki agreed reluctantly, eyeing Tatsumi darkly. "Although one person here is not a member of our family."  
  
"I'll just leave then," Touda called out from his corner.  
  
Muraki shifted, so he had a better view of Tatsumi's face. Inconsequently, his arm somehow tightened around Tsuzuki's waist. "Tsuzuki-san has been working late for the past week," he said. "This is cutting into our time together."  
  
Tatsumi's icy blue eyes were hard. "And what would you suggest I do?" he asked quietly. "As the most powerful shinigami, Tsuzuki-san is needed often."  
  
"Perhaps we can come to an agreement over the days he works late." Muraki closed his eyes. "Yes, I think that would be best." He thought for a moment. "I will agree to him working late Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays."  
  
"As much as I don't mind you dividing up my time," Tsuzuki interjected. "Well, never mind. I do."  
  
"And every third weekend," Tatsumi argued, trying to sooth Tsuzuki by patting his head.  
  
"Why would you need him to work weekends," Muraki asked suspiciously.  
  
Tatsumi and Tsuzuki glanced at each other. "Well," Tatsumi said slowly. "We need him for . . . tests."  
  
Understanding dawned on Muraki's face. "Very well, I will concede you that." Muraki shifted his attention from a relieved Tatsumi to a distraught Tsuzuki. "Do not worry, Tsuzuki-san," he cooed. "Our love life will be back to normal shortly."  
  
"What is wrong with you?" Tsuzuki demanded. "There is nothing normal about this!"  
  
Muraki sighed patiently, leaning forward to kiss the tip of Tsuzuki's nose. "You shall see," he replied. "It is not as if you are being shared by two men, now is it?"  
  
The End  
  
End Notes:  
  
Eh, I have a school project where I had to build a website. If anyone wants to go there, it's at http://www.geocities.com/koraseru/index.html 


End file.
